Mike Tyson in his prime couldn't beat George Foreman in HIS prime either. Hell, Foreman nearly (nearly) took Ali once.

But I have a better question, what boxer, in his prime, COULD beat Ali at his best?

I'd take Ali at 2-1 over anyone I can think of.

The answer to Gary's question is deceptively easy: Frazier. Ali wasn't at his best in 1971, but you saw the blueprint.

Aside from that, my top two choices would be Foreman and Liston, and Ali is 3-0 with three KOs in those match-ups.

Louis is my all-time No. 2, but he doesn't match up well with Ali, just as Ali matches up relatively poorly against a Frazier who couldn't touch Foreman and couldn't have touched Liston. See Conn 1 and Walcott 1.

Foreman and Liston are my all-time 3 and 4. Tyson used to be 5, until he proved he couldn't deal with anyone good who isn't scared to death of him.

Speaking of Tyson - anybody see the July 18 "Piranha Club" comic strip?" Go to King Features Syndicate to check it out while it's still online (the site keeps only the most recent 30 days worth available for viewing).

I don't recall ever sniffling at "The Princess Bride".

Laughing my ass off yes, but never getting weepy.

"Inconceivable!"

"I do not think that word means what you think it means."

If I may add . . . How to intelligently handicap a horserace.

And I don't really like baseball. At least the watching part, although I find the history compelling.

Go figure.

And Patron = goood tequila. If I ever see someone using that stuff in a mixed drink, I may have to beat them severely about the head with a large stick.

What you must be able to do is unhook a bra one-handed, left-handed (or right-handed if you're a lefty), gracefully. while standing facing her.

From a female, faithful reader, bless you for about seven or eight of these. 'Specially for three and four . . . . Not even attempting to use the equipment properly can really ruin a good time.

Bless you for "She probably likes good porn" (and a couple other ones on there.) But that one in particular. I can't tell you how many guys in my life have been shocked and a bit weirded out ...

Well. Not THAT many guys!!

And "know how to cook, but not how to bake" made me laugh out loud.

It's a great list.

Roy Jones Jr. would have taken Ali in his prime.

corissants and muffins!!

key foods here

and one comes from the freezer section at the grocers, the other comes in a "just add water" package...

Robert A. Heinlein:
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

Fabulous!

In fact, if I may make such a request, I would very much like to see what you would come up with for "50 Things Every Gal Should Know."

(I checked the archives and didn't see such a list, but it's possible I missed something.)

Theres probably only 10 things a gal should know.

I'd be turned off by a girl who doesn't like porn.

Best way to solicite a proposal: "I think we should look into prenumpts."

Important addition:

How to build a fire

Lennox Lewis or Ridick Bowe, in his prime, could beat Ali in his. In fact, it wouldn't even be a fair fight, like matching a middle weight against a heavy weight.

early tyson could have beaten ali for the same reasons frazier beat him twice (nut only got one decision). ken norton also beat ali at least once but got robbed. the question is moot, because 1967 ali was WORLDS better than 1971 and later ali.

not even clubber lang or apollo creed could have beaten 1967 ali.

Great list! One thing...

"To take your hat off at the table"

What the hell is it doing on inside the house in the first place???

That has always been a pet peeve of mine!

Robert -- Once while working in federal court, a US Marshal and I had to motion across the room to a juror to take off his cap in the jury box! You'd also be surprised how many people show up for federal jury duty in shorts and t-shirts, but that's another thread.

Guys get over the whole Ali thing- maybe Liston but no others! And, of you squablers who can say theirs goes to 11 and why! This is just as important as who can beat who up. Question- is there really such a thing called Iocane powder and if so where do you get some?

Every *straight* guy. I'm gonna whip up a new list for the boys who like boys.

Suggestions are welcome.

I love that you think guys should know how to shave with a straight razor. I dated a guy who did and he always had the smoothest shave. It was very attractive.

Lennox Lewis, I doubt it. He's the best boxer of the last 10 years but that's really not saying much. When Ali was good, boxing was in ITS prime. And Riddick Bowe and Roy Jones Junior? Are you frickin kidding me? Holyfield maybe and like it or not, you can't rule Tyson out. Remember, all he ever needed was one punch (and yes the same could be said for Foreman who an aging Ali bested in the Rumble in the Jungle). I'd still like Ali's chances but it's certainly not a lock.

But, I am confused about one thing on the list. That part about the Penthouse letters not being true...that was a joke right? Right?

Hmmm.. how about:

How to play a musical instrument.. well.
How to write an amazingly erotic email.
When to say ya just don't know.

The guy who throws the first punch wins most fights--ask any experienced street fighter.

Otherwise, damn good--except maybe the Princess Bride stuff.

Here's my 14.5% tip...in addition to knowing the difference between poker and silly card games one should also know that the essence of craps is rolling seven or not being with the shooter or against him.

Ike Jones or Joe Thompson could have easily licked Ali, even if Ali wasn't too much.

I'm not sure I agree with shoes being more important than hair. I think I'd give hair the edge.

And why shouldn't a guy be able to bake? Food's food. Why make a distinction in forms of preparation?

Great list!

Add to the points about card-games:

You know how to play black-jack PROPERLY!!!

"The guy who throws the first punch wins most fights--ask any experienced street fighter."
You miss the point (and maybe even show your true colors): This difference is what separates a "Man" from an "experienced street fighter", aka "punk".
A Man wouldn't throw the first punch, but is damn well able to throw the last one once combat begins.

That's why "street fighters" attack in packs, and never challenge a real man one-on-one!!!

Rocky Marciano would be interesting since he was kind of an early version of Tyson. Jersey Joe Wollcott (sp?) was the heavyweight "boxer" of the time and he beat Marciano senseless for 13 rounds, then walked into a Marciano right hand while trying for the knockout. I swear, in the movie of the fight, he looked dead, not unconscious. Tyson at his prime was the same, but perhaps more impetuous. Absorb the punishment, unload when you get the opportunity.

Besides, it is unlikely Ali would have beaten Foreman when he used the rope-a-dope had the ropes not been loosened. Had he tried that strategy with normally taut ropes, Foreman probably would have pinned him and battered him into submission. On the other hand, I'm not sure that was the premium Ali.

to be able to talk about literature, without it sounding like a lecture, stuff like Eliot's Objective Correlative, or was it Correlative Objection, anyway, something like that, all while building a full wall of bookshelves, or repairing the refridgerator., a cold martini close at hand.

It's objective correlative. An while we're on the subject of literature, this list reminds me of Hemingway's list of the the four things every man must do to demonstrate
his manhood: plant a tree, fight a bull, write a book, and have a son-- coincidentally, all things Hemingway had done. I wonder if there was anything on Stephen's list he didn't yet know.

Ditto the porn comment.

It would also be nice if het guys could make good porn. All the best porn - light-hearted or dark, humorous, well-written without being flowery, psychologically knowing, explicit, inventive without being contrived, incredibly sexy and earthy, appealing to all genders - is by gay men, lesbians, and Anne Rice.

I have never seen or read any porn by straight men that wasn't depressing, fixated, and boring. But I'd be happy to be enlightened on that score.

PS I'm a het woman by the way. But really good porn is universal.

By 27, it's time to stop acting 18

My son, now 24, has been living around interesting people for some time now. He figured out by the time he was 18 that a person who hasn't got it together by the aforementioned age 27 is facing life as a burnout. His moderation is inspired more by his reaction to a neighboring household of alcoholics than by my own moderation.

BTW, not only is charcoal better than gas, but lump charcoal is better than briquettes, and whichever you use, they should be lit in a chimney and not with petroleum distillates.

Uh... are you going to post lessons for things as well? Because apparently I'm a total screwup on most of them.

Good het porn is all about the directing.

I don't know about this list. I think I have many of these down, but get no play. There's something missing.

A guy should also understand pacing, in both courtship in general and making love in particular. Slow isn't always better than fast, but knowing what's appropriate when.

Pacing is also important in shaving with a straight razor, and in cooking. Cooking, BTW, is art, but baking is science.

A tranny is never part of a car. Your confusing it with trans; better known as gear box. Calling it a gear carton is an affectation.

oh yeah one more.....

he who hesitates ...masterbates

I dunno....Mike Tyson in his prime....when he was 21or 22...could have beaten anyone (including Ali) in their prime. Even Ali admitted that one punch from Tyson would have knocked him on his a$$.

Other than that, GREAT list! Especially #3 and 4. I was taught this at age 15 and I can't even tell you how well it has come back to reward me.

To notice her hair
And more importantly, her shoes

I'm not nearly as suave as VP, but I know this much: If you only learn one thing on this list, this one will probably get you more traction than you've ever imagined.

I shamelessly stole the idea and wrote the list for women here.

You lost me on the Tequilla.
Good Bourbon, and only Bourbon, will do.

Hm, a gentleman always carries a good pocket knife, and can play guitar at least adequately. The other stuff is good too.

Also:

Never stand on a soft sixteen.

Now I'm all depressed. I was cruising right along until the last one. What else is a tranny?
The hardest one to learn was when to ask what she's thinking.

From someone over 50,
you can add these:

sometimes its ok to ask for help - or directions
helplessness is not attractive in men or women
mom and dad are going to die, act accordingly
you mostly get more than one chance
take chest pain seriously
corollary of this: keep aspirin everywhere
there may be a way in, there may not be a way out
involvement often precedes interest
‘fuck you’ is not a logical argument

Shaving with a straight razor?? Oh, no.
some of us are just too clumsy, so we
can add this:
it's not worth risking your life for a close shave....

"Fuck You" is not a logical argument, but it can be used when others refuse to listen to logic. Someone is wrong or refusing to listen: re-evaluate or drop it.

This is great. One addition.

There is NEVER an excuse for hitting a woman. Going to the hospital with bruises is OK, but even Tawny Kitaen (sp?) should not be hit by a man.

(I add this because I went out to dinner with my wife and some friends shortly after she got arrested, and my wife couldn't believe he didn't hit back, while all of the guys were saying, "No, I wouldn't hit back, either.")

Deal to the left.

Never play cards with a man named Doc.

Never play pool with a man named after a geographical area.

How to roll a good joint.

How to shift gears in a manual without the clutch.

Veesher: you may need to work on asking what she's got between her legs.

Guys should know

How to appreciate and use their dick.
Kindness is not a weakness
Understand politics, philosophy, and music.
Some universal truths are called “acting 18”
Sometimes the first punch is crucial in an unavoidable fight
Good-looking guys exist.
Bisexual women like bisexual guys..

With regard to first punch / last punch:
Many times, the first punch is the last punch.

Frank T.

Baseball is always better in person than on TV.

How to order a bottle of wine with dinner.

At 27 your music tastes should include more than genres than it did at 18.

Don't start a fight if you can avoid it, but in a street fight, fight to win. When they start bringing referees to a street fight, then you can worry about fighting fair.

How to throw a decent spiral with a football.

This is a great list, but if I may be so bold ...

Not only when to wear a tie, but how to tie it himself.

First Aid, for all those buddies of yours that are trying to get in the last punch.

Sniffles are appropriate on a few other occasions: the death of a family member (or a good dog), and when your national anthem is played while you have been in a foreign country for over 6 months.

Included among these should be at least a rudimentary familiarity with;

How to operate any available vehicle.
A few good quotes from Shakespeare, Einstein, and the Bible (or their equivalents, in your culture).
How to sharpen a knife.
A few intelligent phrases in several languages
A few intelligent words on any topic of discussion, keeping in mind that, sometimes, the most intelligent thing one can say is, "I didn't know that. Tell me more."
Gathering food.

You are a blathering, undersexed idiot who needs to spend more time around men before you start bossing them around.

10 Things you should know:

1. C-Section scars are sexy
2. Women need resilient knees
3. Women who make web sites are unattractive
4. What the fuck does any woman want a flatulant man in bed for? Taco joint? How about 24 hour pharmacy?
5. Every gun is not loaded. Many have blanks.
6. Those penthouse letters ARE real.
7. What the fuck is wrong with baking? Are you homophobic or something?
8. People in the days of straight razors could not even shave with them, that's why they were improved upon.
9. There are times when it's ok to throw the first punch.
10. Things you should know lists are stupid, subjective and utterly useless.

Ben, you are truly a mutant. I have a feeling that you are the type of person who most decent men would not want to be around. Here's my assessment of your post:

1. I'm sure you think your scars look good. I'm also sure that you got most of them being punched out by better people than yourself.
2. If you could ever get one to suck your dick.
3. Sometimes, but some are also attractive and smart. This would probably intimidate a loser like yourself.
4. Yeah right. I'm sure you need to visit your pharmacy for a new packet every night.
5. The fact you don't know this proves you are a mutant.
6. Probably, and I'm sure they couldn't compete with your imagination while your masturbating.
7. Fair enough.
8. Its an art that takes patience and skill to learn. Two things I'm sure you don't have. If you don't see the benefits of this look at the post on this topic from the young lady above.
9. Like for instance if I met you in a bar.
10. The list a top of this page is great. The list of the guy you were replying to is also pretty good. If its so bad why did you post here? Loser.

Ha!

That's the first time I've read this. "That five-card draw is lame poker" we'll have to play some Hold 'em if I'm ever out your way.

That every gun is loaded....I am a crr for FedEx, and would add that every dog bites, regardless of what its owner tells you -SpinDaddy

Being a bit of a purist and romantic at times, I think every poker night should have at least one hand of five-card draw dealt.