I'm here. Really. Just prepping the condo for houseguests.

Condoguests?

Anyway, people start coming into town Friday, and this place is still a wreck from:

A) Moving Melissa's furniture, clothes, all worldly possessions, etc., here.

B) Not having done a thorough housecleaning for a couple of months.

So, I'm getting reacquainted with my vacuum cleaner, Pledge, and Inner Martha.

Also, I finally had to get the cat declawed, and that upset the hell out of me for some reason. Bad enough I had to take his balls, but his claws, too? Insult and injury to insult and injury.

Here's some quick analysis before I go grab some lunch.

The stock market is up after the Adelphia Assholes (my cable company) were arrested on fraud and other charges. Two reasons. First, investors see the Feds are serious about corporate abuse, so they'll trust future accounting more than they now trust recent accounting. Second, this coincides with some fairly major sell-offs by individual mutal fund investors -- an event which usually immediately precedes a rebound.

That little girl who escaped her kidnappers in Philly? I'd be proud to call her my own.

You'll miss James Traficant. Yeah, he was corrupt -- but he was old-fashioned corrupt. He kept some for himself, but was mostly after patronage and ego-gratification. He was far more harmless than a politician with real ambition and a taste for power. That's why the fact of a Clinton presidency bothered me far less than the idea of a Gore presidency.

Clinton was in it for the babes. Gore was in it because he knows what's best for you. Like Clinton, Traficant always put on a good show. You'll miss him, you really will.

Congress is close to passing a corporate accountability bill. I told you so more than two weeks ago:

The big story today, of course, is Bush's Wall Street speech on corporate accountability -- but even that is a non-story. Look, we know exactly what's going to happen.

Bush makes the proper political noises. Democrats say it isn't quite enough. The Leahy Bill (I think that's the right one!) will pass the Senate in pretty much its current form, then get watered down a bit in conference with the House.

Most shockingly, the President will then sign it in a dignified Rose Garden ceremony, flanked by the appropriate House and Senate leaders, and perhaps a few well-chosen wise-yet-chastened business leaders.

Like a Kabuki dance, but with less improvisation, all this will happen over the next two-three weeks, just in time for August recess and some serious midterm campaigning.

Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Trivelli's Philly Cheese Steak Hogie calling my name.

UPDATE: For those of you who asked, the wedding is Saturday, August 3.

And, no, I'm not nervous.